Why getting fired for "non-compliance" was the best thing to ever happen to me

Our Young Entrepreneurial Spirit

Growing up (and even today), no matter what game it was, I needed to win.

I was that petty kid who would stubbornly stay up all night, just so I could figure out the optimal strategy to beat you the next time we'd play.

I'm a 90s kid so growing up, it was the golden era for shows like Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, etc. and franchise collectibles were all the rage.

I loved all of them but I was particularly obsessed with YGO cards and my collection was growing by the day.

My mum — being the bad cop of the parent duo — would always interrogate me on whether or not I was stealing them, being immigrants to Australia, conserving cash was a top priority.

The short answer was no, I was way too scared to be committing crimes as a young goodie-two-shoes.

The long answer is that I was a natural at hustling them from other kids.

You know those spoiled rich kids whose parents buy them anything and everything? Yeah, they were my favourite targets.

We'd always head to the local shops after school, where they'd make their routine stop to buy a new pack and show off in front of the other kids (as spoilt kids tend to do).

If you know much about collectibles, you know there are a crap ton of duplicates.

I’d hang around in the background like a vulture and kindly ask if they'd offload their duplicates. Most would happily agree, and eventually I'd amass a decent volume to package up and trade to other kids for lesser but rarer cards.

I’d then take those cards and trade my way up again, rinse and repeat.

Once I reached a certain point in both quality and quantity, I’d join the big boys league where kids would duel with the spicy condition where winner takes a card of their choosing from the loser. This is how I would slowly build my portfolio.

Yeah, kids are brutal and YGO was a cut-throat business (lol).

Looking back on it all, it is scary what “innocent” children are capable of when left to their own devices.

One day, however, it all went to shit when I decided to pick on the wrong kid. He had a particular card I seriously wanted – the Blue Eyes White Dragon (first edition)

It’s funny how clearly I remember something that happened over two decades ago. I antagonised him on the daily to duel me and eventually he caved.

Being the duel meister I was – I ended up beating him quite convincingly and held his prized possession for ten glorious seconds before he started bawling his eyes out and ran to the teacher.

Being the goodie-two-shoes that I was, getting scolded by the teacher and sent to the principal’s office was a huge deal in an Asian household.

To add insult to injury, all games/toys/collectibles were subsequently banned. You could imagine I wasn’t too popular with the other kids after that.

No one wants to be labelled as the "naughty" kid and even though "boys will be boys" this one stood out to me as the first time that seed of doubt was planted – that that sort of behaviour was not on.

It was drilled into me early on that "hustling" behaviour was bad and obedience and compliance were good. Such is the nature of the punishment & reward system we all go through as kids.

One has to ask, however, how much compliance is too much?

The False Path

Study hard, get good grades, go to university, get a good degree, get a good job.

"The Good Life"

When 99% of people are following the same script, why question it?

I mean, it seems to be working right, why break something that isn't broken? You can always pick up from where you left off, you're young, you have time.

This is the sort of thing I, and many others would say to justify the painstakingly mundane life of "just going with the flow".

The goals are put in front of you, hit the target, onto the next, hit the target, onto the next – this is what it means to be a law-abiding citizen who gives back to the community that raised you.

After high school, it took me seven gruelling years (18-25) to finally achieve what society expected from me – a degree and a corporate job.

You'd think I'd be able to catch on from the many attempts at rebelling from the norm, as a sign that I was on the false path.

I'll speed run through these 7 years as there are a ton of "mini-arcs" that deserve their own article altogether, but here's a quick summary:

• I failed courses, switched courses, deferred studies, skipped classes, and took gap years.

• I went through all the typical experimental crap such as partying, drugs, girls, etc.

• I had an addictive gaming phase which turned into a competitive semi-pro phase.

We typically attribute these sorts of phases as normal young adult behaviour, and while I do agree there is a natural element of experimentation, there are deeper forces at play.

Whether on a conscious or subconscious level, there was an inner, spiritual war being fought between:

security vs risk
conformity vs non-conformity
obedience" vs non-obedience

In every case, the former would always win and as a result, I landed the "dream job" that simply paid the most money.

You know the one, high-rise office, iron-pressed suits, first-year six-figures – all the things that make you feel like you’ve “made it” but in reality, you haven’t even arrived.

If I was going to be put in cuffs, at least they were made from gold.

30 Days in Purgatory

Then it happened, 2020.

The pandemic pretty much explains itself, I'm sure we all have our own personal story of how the global event impacted our lives.

When it comes to my story, it is impossible not to reference this moment as it completely changed the direction of my life and character.

Early on, there were rumours of potential vaccine mandates, and to put it out there – I didn't want it.

I could write up a 50-page report discussing each side of the public health debate. But for me, on a personal level, there was something about the "no jab, no job" rhetoric that resurfaced the inner conflict I had boiling beneath the surface from the beginning.

As if the iron fist of compliance was coming down to hit the final nail in the coffin and seal the deal.

As the pandemic progressed and things started to become a lot crazier (particularly in my country) with harsh policies, lockdowns, and travel bans, the idea of mandates for the office started to become more of a reality.

I was clinging to the false hope that:

"Surely they wouldn't mandate the office with over 3000 employees."

Then in December of 2021, the CEO calls for a company-wide live conference. This wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, she’d done plenty in the past during the height of it all for obvious reasons – but this time something felt different.

It was weird. It kind of felt like I was dissociating from my body when the news for mandates dropped. It wasn't like it was a surprise, all signs were pointing in that direction for months, but actually hearing it officially was a strange feeling.

I forgot to mention I worked in the Health & Safety department (ironic I know), so naturally, everyone knew each other's "status" as it was the only thing that occupied people’s minds.

I could definitely feel the pitiful "look" every time I'd get stuck in the elevator with colleagues (God I hate small talk).

I was flagged on the system as a "non-compliant" and was put on 30 days' notice without pay. My work account was frozen and I wasn’t allowed in the office until I was medically approved.

Those 30 days would have to be some of the lowest points of my life.

I really don’t like sob stories, especially if it's about me, but the psychological, physiological, and spiritual beating I took during that time and beyond – was fucking brutal.

Not only was I in a constant state of contemplation about what I would do with work, but I also lost many "friends" who didn't agree with my position.

I experienced significant conflict with my parents, and I wasn't even allowed to attend my own sister's wedding (proof of status was required).

The media were running 24-hour smear campaigns as if I were the anti-Christ for killing grandma.

And I was enduring some of the harshest lockdowns in the world – no work, no support, just me and my thoughts.

If the goal was to make me feel isolated, lonely, and immoral – they absolutely nailed it.

Anyway as cliché as it sounds – light can only exist in true darkness.

When people talk about “monk mode” it’s normally within the context of dopamine detoxing. In my case, it was more of an existential detox.

I spent those days in a permanent state of self-reflection. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or talk to anyone. I just wrote, trying to make sense of everything.

I mentioned it briefly in my last letter, but as I was reviewing every single decision (or lack of) that led me to this point of utter powerlessness I came to realise:

It was the childhood dilemma all over again, but this time, with much higher stakes.

No matter how much I tried to reason with myself, I just couldn't muster the courage to face my future self – the one that finally took a risk, the one that actually went against the masses, the one that leaned into his heart.

I made the decision, had a 15-minute conversation with HR, and they fired me.

This is the end of the story for now, I want to say that it felt amazing and liberating at the time but I would be lying.

Not too long after I moved out to get away from the noise and entered a 6-month phase of "figuring it out".

But that’s a story for next week :)

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God bless.

– Mat